"It's ok not to know everything."

A Q&A with the oldest - and wisest! - person I know in LA

Last weekend, a memoir I wrote about my extraordinary friendship with the woman next door, was published in The Observer magazine in the UK. You can read it here. I had a lot of messages. I heard from new mums, expats and people who have lost loved ones. I heard from people who have long treasured intergenerational friendships and others who wish they had a Claudia in their life. And I believe it made a few of you cry (sorry, not sorry, about that - it's cathartic!)

But mainly I had messages about the lady herself. "That woman is not 72!" "I cannot believe how old she is! She looks like she's in her 40s!" "Can you ask her what her skincare routine us? She is gorgeous and looks incredible!" You get the picture. 

Claudia has also spent the last week fielding messages. She probably got more than I did. 

The actor Julia Louis-Dreyfus has a fascinating podcast called Wiser Than Me where she interviews people like Jane Fonda, who we can learn so much from. "We just don't hear enough about the lives of older women," she says. I totally agree. So with that in mind, I decided to interview my very own Jane Fonda.

By way of introduction, Claudia was born in Boston in 1951. She moved to LA in 1985 and met her beloved husband, Moty in 1992. They married in 1995. Moty passed away in 2021. Claudia recently retired after 37 years of working for a dental practice in Brentwood. She has the whitest teeth I've ever seen (even by LA standards), wears Lululemon leggings and loves cheese and wine as much as I do...

No filter (or filler!): Claudia when I took her out for dinner to celebrate her recent 72nd birthday.

What first brought you to LA?

I was divorced and wanted to make a new life for myself. I had been living on Martha's Vineyard which was a small community and I wanted a change. I landed here Labor Day weekend of 1985. I was 34 years old and started working as a waitress, which I hated, but I made great friends. I worked three jobs when I first came here to pay my rent. I temped as a dental assistant. And I worked for Dean Martin for five years. 

Sorry, what? Dean Martin, as in the famous singer? (Martin, alongside Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. was, of course, a member of the 'Rat Pack' of the late 1950s and early 1960s). Claudia, how did I not know this about you?!

I met his live-in housekeeper at the apartment complex where I first lived. She did everything from cooking his breakfast to making his bed and putting out his cigarettes and she was looking for someone to cover her when she took time off. He lived in three different houses, one in Palisades and two in Beverly Hills. At first I didn't believe it was actually Dean Martin. I remember calling my mom and I was like, 'mom, I just got a job and it's working for Dean Martin!' and my mother was like, 'are you kidding me?!' He was very sweet. 

Why did you choose to live in Santa Monica? 

When I arrived in LA, I kept saying I wanted to live in Santa Monica because it was so beautiful and everybody laughed at me. They were like, 'who doesn't want to live in Santa Monica!?' I wanted to live there because it was closer to the beach. I didn't want to live in Hollywood, it was too inland. I'm from Massachusetts so I thought, 'where has the beach - LA or Florida?' But I didn't want to move to Florida because it was too old.

What's your favourite thing about living in LA?

The weather, of course. And the accessibility to everything. There are the beaches and so much culture. Lots of museums, which are easy to get to. 

What was the hardest thing to get used to?

Parking and having to pay for parking was a big thing. And not being able to drop by someone's home. You had to let people know you were coming. When you'd say, 'let's get together,' it was, 'let me look in my calendar' and I was not used to that at all. It's like, 'just come over!'

Now I have a key to your place, I can drop by anytime. Be careful what you wish for! Where do you take visitors when they come to LA? 

I always love the Getty Center. My office window at the dental practice looked out onto it and some of our patients were involved in building it. For a hike, I go to Los Leones in Palisades. It's a good workout and the view of the ocean is so beautiful. My favourite beach is by the Annenberg Community Beach House in Santa Monica. When I first moved here I used to drive by myself out to Point Dume (in Malibu) because I loved the drive on PCH so much. When you're younger nothing seems like too much.

Where do you like to eat? 

There are so many good restaurants around here. Forma is always good. R&D Kitchen on Montana is very consistent and delicious and has a sister restaurant, Hillstone. I love Back on the Beach Cafe because you can put your feet in the sand and you're right on the ocean. Moty taught me to like sushi -  we used to go every Friday night to the Sushi King. I also like Indian food - Chandni in Santa Monica is really good for vegetarian curry that is not very spicy. 

What's the most LA thing you do?  

I have a massage at least once a month. Moty was really into massages and when he died I had them once a week which really helped with my healing. I never told the therapist that he had died and I would just cry. I was so exhausted, it was cathartic. 

What sorts of things do you do to stay fit and healthy?

I walk for 45 minutes every day. Yesterday I did 15,000 steps. Since I retired, I've been doing cardio dance classes twice a week which are really fun. I was never into the gym when I was younger, but I was always active, I rode my bike and played tennis. I love being outdoors. I also drink a tonne of water, take a multivitamin for over 50s, fish oil and vitamin D. 

Do you have a motto that you live by? 

Moty used to always say to me, 'you miss out on a lot if you try to control everything.' He never said, 'you're so controlling!' He always said it with such sweetness and love. I have particularly noticed this since he died, because I have let go of a lot.

What do you know now at 72 that you wish you had known in your 30s?

Not to try to always have the answer. To not be afraid to ask. You don't have to know everything. I used to always think that I had to know everything. It's ok not to know everything. It makes you more interesting; it makes you more vulnerable. 

Did you ever worry about getting older?

I remember thinking about death when I was really young, probably around 8 or 10. Now I've got to the point where I don't worry about it, but I do think, 'I wonder what my story is going to be?' We're all going to die and I just feel grateful that I'm healthy because I feel so alive right now. I think about it, but I don't worry about it.

After seeing pictures in The Observer, people are obsessed with how you look so youthful! What is your skincare regime?

Oh my gosh, that is so funny to me! My skin is sensitive so I can't use anything perfumed. I never spend a lot of money on high end cosmetics. I wash my face with Cetaphil skin cleanser and I just use Cetaphil moisturising lotion afterwards.

Really? That's it? What about serums, oils, or any magic potions?!

I only started using a serum about a month ago (laughs). I just started using Kiehls. In the morning I just wash my face with cold water. My mother was very good about her skin and my father was of Italian descent so maybe that has something to do with it. 

It's not just that you look youthful, you act it. You and I often say it's as if we are the same age...

I think I've always been that way. My first reaction, when I pass someone walking down the street, is to smile at them. I've always been like that. My father was like that too. It's important to have a good sense of humour and be able to laugh at yourself. I just find joy in people or things.