"I'm embarrassed, please save me," my friend texted me the other night. We were going to a party and she had arrived first. We had arranged to meet outside so we could walk in together. Writing that sentence takes me back - with a shudder - to being a gangly 16-year-old. One who would stand waiting for her older-looking friend to arrive with a polystyrene bag of alcopops before we nervously made our entrance to a party. Some things never change, huh?
Thankfully, plenty of things do. This event - a cocktail soiree at the home of interior designer Brigette Romanek to celebrate the launch of her first coffee table book, Livable Luxe - was a world away from the house parties I attended as a pimply teenager. And not just because there wasn't a Smirnoff Ice in sight.
Located in the grounds of a sprawling 1920s estate, a stone's throw from Beverly Hills (are you getting Gatsby vibes? Great. That's what I'm going for) it was everything you could hope for from a party in LA. (Celebrities! Vegan wine! The perfect pool backdrop for selfies!)
Romanek - who I recently profiled for the West Coast's luxury and lifestyle title, C Magazine - has a star-studded client list including Gwyneth Paltrow, Beyonce and Demi Moore. Of course a party at her home was going to be fabulous. Of course I was going to be surrounded by beautiful, cool, stylish people like Jessica Alba, Lupita Nyong'O and Law Roach. This was not my first rodeo. But does that make it any easier to be around these people? In a word, no...
Picture credit: Brigette Romanek’s Instagram. If you’re into interior design (and even if you’re not), check her out. Her work is beautiful. As is her house!
I used to go to parties like this often. Back in London, in my Marie Claire days, I was the closest thing the magazine had to a 'girl about town' but I definitely had a love / hate relationship with it. I was never someone who could tactically 'work' a room. I was too distracted by the free drinks. But it was more than that. In hindsight, I didn't understand the - or rather, my - purpose.
I always felt uncomfortable. I perceived that everyone else was more confident than me, because they simply looked like they were. And I assumed they were all wearing designer clothes I couldn't afford, which made me more self-conscious. I worried about saying the 'right' things and wearing the 'right' things. I felt like I didn't belong.
It makes me a bit sad now to think back to my 20s when I should have been having the time of my life. I wish I'd cared less and enjoyed it more. I wish I'd taken more pictures. I wish I'd known that I would look back fondly on that girl who might not have been wearing the latest trends but she did have some pretty cool vintage outfits that no one else was wearing. I'd tell her to just be herself.
I don't go to as many parties now for various reasons I won't bore you with (okay, fine - LA traffic / toddler drama / can't be arsed - not necessarily in that order!) but I'm glad I went to the book launch. I'm glad, because it showed me how far I have come. It never feels great to be a nobody surrounded by somebodys; to notice a photographer pointing their camera at you until they realise they've made a mistake and scurry past to shoot an actual celeb. What does feel good is discovering you no longer care; being surprised by the realisation that you are at ease with yourself.
I noticed a shift when I was getting ready. I didn't have time to stress about what to wear because I was bathing Maggie and putting her to bed before I left the house, since Chris is away (Claudia was on hand to babysit. Yes, that Claudia, my absolute guardian angel.) I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to wear a pair of bright green 1970s trousers from Harbinger Vintage because I love them. My stomach was bloated; I couldn't do them up. But you couldn't tell under my blouse. So I didn't care. It felt liberating.
I still felt as awkward as I did when I was 16, walking into the party. I swear it doesn't matter what age, or who you are - walking into a party is just awkward. There are no two ways about it. So my friend and I did what any other moms of toddlers who don't have celebrity lifestyles and haven't been to a party in a while, would do. We embraced the awkwardness.
We made a beeline for the bar and did our own version of 'working' the room. We shimmied our way through small cliques of probably very important people, probably doing a hopeless job of not staring right at them. We questioned why we were not as rich or successful as some of the other people in the room. We started about ten conversations we never finished because we kept getting distracted by spotting either a celebrity or someone we thought we knew. Or maybe it was a bit of both. We were having so much fun we didn't take any pictures.
"It's like it didn't even happen," laughed my friend the next morning. "Oh, no", I replied, "on the contrary!" Because the best bit about attending a 'celebrity' party is having access to all the photos online. And the photographers who did their best to swerve me? Well, they couldn't escape me, or rather my bum, in my bright green trousers, completely. See below. In the words of my plus one, "I'm embarrassed, please save me." I'm seriously thinking of having that printed on a T-shirt.
Ahh Martha, this was a great read. I'm now following Brigette on instagram (because I'm an interior designer) and you reminded me of the days of Smirnoff Ice, which made me feel a little ill with memories!
It sounds like you and your friend allowed yourselves to have a great time. Being older and wiser meant you could focus more on being in the moment and less on other people's perceptions of you. The photo with you in the background made me smile - love love love the trousers!
Thank goodness you’re a writer, I find more interesting info reading your articles than I do when we’re together. Okay, we are always sorting out getting Maggie to daycare on time or making sure Sebastian is getting a walk (and not barking) so there’s not time to actually have a normal conversation. At least this week was like that. And yes, you looked great in your green vintage pants!